This recovery story is made available by a member of DA under two conditions: (1) no name is attached, and (2) nobody makes any money off it. Feel free to read it for your own inspiration, and for that of your own local DA group.
In another lifetime I was married to someone who had $30,000 in debts -- that I knew of. His way of living terrified me. I went with him to the IRS in Harlem to "help" him work out an arrangement with them, instead of ducking his head in the sand. The whole time we were married, it was his problem, I thought.
Then when we separated and later divorced, I found I had my own money issues. Surprise, surprise. As long as I had a full-time job with a real employer, I was a good saver. But when working as a self-employed person -- which has been for at least 12 years -- I had a hard time knowing what was coming in and how to pace my spending and saving.
The truth was, I tottered on the edge financially. This was a way of life and a way of thinking about myself. I resented people who had more money, and made them out to be less virtuous. Or perhaps made myself out to be more saintly because of my unmaterialistic bent. (In DA, I first identified as an underearner and a money anorexic, who wouldn't spend on herself.)
During the time we separated, I was without a car because we'd been in a car accident. I was waiting for the lawsuit to be settled before buying a new car. Two years later...I had a car. But I was richer for the lessons I'd learned about asking for help.
Meanwhile, a friend in another 12-step program mentioned DA, which had existed in our town for a few years but had folded. She still had the literature.
We started the meeting back up three years ago. April Fool's Day. Since I came from more the anorexic side of the spectrum, my first task was to allow myself to buy some nice things -- a new couch, for instance, instead of a ratty one.
I immediately started tracking my expenses with a spending record, and slowly learned how to function in the world without a credit card. It was a process. I learned to say, "I don't have one," when a hotel room had to be confirmed with a c.c. number. Some hotels will confirm anyway; some won't.
Today I feel so much freer without a credit card. Just spent a few days of vacation with a credit card addict, and it scared me to watch him and remember how at the end of the month, I'd think I had $600-700 in reserve, then a credit card bill would come in with all kinds of charges I'd forgotten about.
In DA, I learned to pay for services immediately, such as doctor's visits, so those surprise charges wouldn't come to haunt me a month or two down the road. I started living on a cash basis.
Then last year while studying in Jerusalem, I was blessed to discover a wonderful DA group there. Had my first pressure group with two loving members who had a lot of recovery. They helped me learn about spending time, not only money, on myself, and setting goals.
Continued having pressure groups when I returned home, because I was still living from check to check. Meanwhile, I also was late paying my only creditor every year: the IRS! I'd put off quarterly payments, accrue interest, then forage madly to get in the sum by April 15. Then the cycle would start again.
I took the advice of two wise recovery souls who held a pressure group for me in February and paid off the IRS this year, instead of trying to cut a deal to pay them over 12 months. Wiped out my savings to do it, but knew another check was coming in within a week. It was a leap of faith, believe me.
Also, these folks convinced me to tithe. A scary concept -- giving 10 percent to synagogue or church or whatever feeds you spiritually. So after a bit of kicking and screaming, I started doing that too.
Today, I am debt-free, tithing -- and saving money. This program is miraculous. The person who helped me get started always used to say, "It works. I don't know how, but it works." My life today is proof.
God has blessed me with abundance. Who would have believed that by unclenching my tight little hands from my money, and opening my palms to the universe, that I would receive even more? Letting go of control. Having faith. Step 3!
My work is flowing today. I don't worry about where the money will come from. A client gave me a generous raise, unsolicited. People have told me about jobs they think I might be interested in. But today, I am happy and confident working for myself -- as never before. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.
Very grateful for this program, and thrilled to see the changes in my life as it continues to unfold in new ways. It works. And I do know how: H.P.
(name witheld in the interest of preserving anonymity)